The dog days are always when things feel like they might break. Through maybe or more likely down. The heat is just building, building. Not even hope of a hurricane. A week ago you started school, kindergarten for a second time. Your first day picture is you nervous, uncertain, but definitely wanting it to go well. Courageous, always. On Tuesday morning I found one of the chickens dead in the coop. Probably heat stroke. The garden is dry and dusty and baked, and the girls make the best of it but when I come home I don’t even want to be out there for five minutes.
The convictions and guilty pleas are coming in from the Mueller investigation, and the news is full of shock and ruckus. The girl in Iowa, killed by an immigrant. Fascists and antifascists. Is it the end of something? It feels like it has to be – we are all so tired of it. But then it just keeps going. There are eclipses, too.
On Sunday, the full moon day, I felt like I could not feel any worse. I felt like I could not possibly leave the house and feel sane, so we stayed in almost all day. You built star wars ships out of blocks. I worked on a few things that have been stuck with no signs of budging. Even the work was a drag and at some point I just gave in and laid listelessly on the couch.
Then, somehow, it did break. Not the heat, yet, but something. Monday we were early for school. The traffic was light and you got yourself dressed without argument. You got to school, put away your things and got out your mat to start work. Like you wanted to. My boss told me I would be getting a raise, Yuki took the turkey and one of the chickens back, leaving me four (manageable) birds who proceeded to hop into their coop and put themselves to bed after dinner. How could a day be so good? When you were a toddler you used to say a lot, “Mama, life just goes and goes.” Sometimes is goes hard, and sometimes it goes easy.
Little Bug 